1/15–drinks!

Pictures or it didn’t happen!  Or so they say.  Thursday night I had drinks with some friends because they were leaving town, for good.  I’m not happy about it, at all, but it is good for them (I think).  So why would I be thankful for that, well I got to hang out with them on their last night in town and laughed my ass off.  I also got to see a bunch of folks I used to work with that I haven’t seen in awhile.  That can be quite a boost to your ego….people are excited to see you, hugging you, you get included in the inside jokes all the old school folks are making.

So I’m happy I got off my couch and went out.  Sad I will be missing my friends but glad I have friends that are so awesome that so many people, including, me are going to miss them so dearly. It is great to have drinks and great to have friends that awesome.

1/14–Meg–the kids are alright

Tonight I went to a panel for an art installation called Guns in the Hands of Artists.  My workplace was part of the project in that each month there was a panel discussion at the gallery and we facilitated the discussion or added voices to the panel.  I have not had a chance to go to any of the panels.  For the first several I was in a leadership class that took place at the exact same time.  Then I finally got finished with that and it was Christmas and I had to have an event at work where me and some volunteers wrapped all the gifts for the kids, so i missed it again.  bummer.  i was going to miss this next and last panel until a kid needed a ride at the last minute so I ended up changing my plans and heading on down.  I’m really glad I did.

Prior to the panel, several of my co-workers brought some of the young men to the gallery and a bunch of the artists spoke about the work they had created and why.  Then there was panel featuring 3 youth voices and how they have been affected by gun violence.  During the artists portion, one of the artist said he wanted to hear from the young people and while hesitant at first, they really had some great stuff to say and the artists was great in the way he interacted with them.   In New Orleans it is relatively rare to find a young black man (or woman really) who hasn’t been affected by gun violence.  It’s almost a sick rite of passage they are forced to endure.  Anyway, the panel was great as well. The three young men were funny, interesting and heartbreaking all at the same time.  Then the young folks in attendance started to speak up and they were equally great.  One young man who has been connected to us for awhile had some great stuff to say.  New Orleans city government is constantly talking about how they can’t do more job opportunities for youth b/c of money, or they can’t improve the schools b/c of money, or they can’t give recreation opportunities b/c of money…it’s always money.  This young man, was perfect.  “oh you just got approved to build a new multi-million dollar streetcar line where there are already buses.  But you got no money?” and so on until he hit my favorite and I’m pretty sure the crowded cheered  “Central Lock up (part of the jail here) looks like a mall, but you got no money?”

I loved it.  I love when kids are aware of what is going on and not complacent about it.  I love when they speak the truth, I love when they are pissed off about the right stuff.  The kids are alright and I’m glad I get to work with them every day.

1/13–Meg–get help

I started this blog because I realized I was being too judgemental and too negative.  I have suffered from depression for most of my life.  I don’t know if it has gotten worse as I have gotten older or I am just more aware of it.  Or the work I do and the stresses of life exacerbate it.  I really don’t know.  It may have gotten better but I just react differently to it now.  Either way, it fucking sucks and it affects pretty much every aspect of my life.  Including how judgemental and negative I am.   I have fallen off the train of writing on here this week because I have been “too busy.”  Read:  forgot to take a moment to reflect and then too lazy to take the time to write when I realized I had put it off.

I thought this would help me become more positive and help in times when my depression was spiraling or I felt it coming on.  I know its never that simple but sometimes just a moment of happiness in the midst of depression can make a big difference.  But I have been stressing about this because I set a goal to take a picture every day of something I was grateful for and I realized, I had not been taking pictures.  Which meant I was failing, so I beat myself up about it….how hard is it?  Just fucking do it?  Jesus, you can’t even take a minute to be thankful.  fuck.

As you can imagine, that type of talk doesn’t really help you get out of any depression spirals.  On Tuesday I had my monthly therapy session and I was telling my therapist about this.  Knowing me for years, she thought it was a great idea but immediately saw how I set myself for failure but not allowing myself any alternatives…posting with no pictures, not writing a lot, posting just a picture…whatever…it’s not like I am performing brain surgery right—I can change the style and the rules as I go.

So today I am not posting a picture.  I am just posting that I am thankful that I am able to have a therapist.  I want to go every week, but money doesn’t allow it so monthly it is.  Which I completely recognize is a luxury of sorts and I am lucky to be able to do this.  I am also lucky to have a therapist I like that works with my schedule, my quirks and works around my ridiculous insurance.  So, TO THERAPY!  (and just maybe, to the day I don’t need it anymore!)

1/12–Meg–PIZZA!

I am kind of obsessed with pizza.  The fact of the matter (and no one can really change my mind on this) is that pizza from the NE of the USA is the best pizza ever.  Particularly Philly pizza but generally pizza from that area.  Nowhere else seems to be able to make it so delicious.  However, the traditional pizzas (like from Naples or in that style) are so good but not always exactly what I want.  There is a great place here in New Orleans that does great traditional pizzas, Domenica.  Their food is great, the happy hour is awesome.  It’s just a great, nice place to eat. I have 2 friends that are moving out of New Orleans this weekend and while I really want to cry and chain them to my fireplace to make them stay, that’s not going to happen so I am trying to make the most of the last few days I have with them.  Scott is in trial all week so I met Lauren at Domenica for pizza and half priced wine yesterday and it was great.  I got to hang out with my friend, enjoy wonderful pizza, a gulp down inexpensive wine.  So pizza and my friends are wonderful things to be thankful for and there you have it.  What more is there to life?

1/11–Meg–my other main dog

So I have Friday night drinks and Sunday night dinners.  Those are the traditions, the routines.  I love them.  As much as I like to travel and get out there and see new things, I love routines.  It helps me get through all the different things in life.  Even when I am traveling I tend to develop routines if I am in one place for any amount of time, even just 2 days.  So Sunday nights are a great way to get ready for the next week.

And this pup, Chula…she is perfect companion to do it.  She is nothing like my dog, except in that she loves people so much.  But Chula is scared, likes to be outside and away from most people, takes convincing to get near anyone she doesn’t know and avoids crowds.  When she is energetic and running around like crazy it is notable.  Baba on the other hand…can’t keep her away from people and it takes drugs to calm her down.  But Chula loves me…I can get her playing, running around like crazy, parking, and cuddling up to me in no time.  She gets super excited when I walk in the door and frankly she is just sweetest, cutest pup that side of the train tracks (sorry Baba gets it for this side of the train tracks).  So I live seeing her on Sunday nights and snuggling with her while watching TV and bullshitting.  It’s perfection.

1/10–Meg–ballin’

Now that I have a new bed and I moved into the bigger side of my house, I have a guest room.  I have had the guest room for the past 7 months but it was really the “throw it in there because I don’t know what else to do with it” room.  Then several people made plans to come see me, I got a new bed and finally set up my guest room.  I’m so excited.  I can’t wait to paint it and decorate into a relaxing little space for my visitors.   I had visions of getting a sofa bed rather than a real bed so that I could make this my study—it is also my office btw….but then I realized 1) my staircase is way too narrow to get any type of sofa up here and 2) sofa beds are not really that comfortable and that’s not really fair to guests is it?

So instead I got myself a new bed, put my old one in here and now I’m getting great visions of all the cool things I can do to make this room more interesting.  Maybe I’ll start with getting curtains!  That would be the grown up thing to do huh?  And it will make mom happy.  Dirty venetian blinds are giving her a headache and she is in Pennsylvania.  Just the thought.

1/9–Meg–Oh the humanity

Finally got back to the gym Thursday night which wasn’t quite as horrible as I anticipated.  Especially after the grueling 5.8 mile run I did totally unprepared last weekend.  After the gym I did feel like my arms were going to fall off but I guess they didn’t, so that’s a plus.

And then it was Friday—the end of a very long week where I had to jump back into the deep end at work after nearly 2 weeks off….and I had to train 4 new people.  I was exhausted…but didn’t have a moment to stop and think about it.  So Friday we went for wine at the best little wine shop around and decided to give Cards against humanity a chance.  I hated the cards I got…which I think says a lot about my friends and our sense of humor because we all sort of agreed that our cards weren’t pushing the boundaries enough—weren’t offensive enough…seriously….everyone talks about how offensive this game was and we were like, can we make our own cards?

But anyway, it was fun to play with everyone and even better to drink wine, eat good bread and cheese, and relax while not working or talking about work.  Then I went home with the best of intentions:  drink more wine, watch netflix.  Instead I watched maybe 30 minutes of TV before falling asleep drooling on my couch with a full glass of wine in front of me.  A successful night all around, I’d say!

1/8—Meg–art at random

More art.  I know I have posted about it a few times but it really does make me smile when I see it.  So here we go again.  I like it, I enjoy it, it makes my world a better place.  Not all art does it for me but the fact is, there is some art that I may hate or find pointless that makes other people smile the way that art I like makes me smile so who I am to say it is pointless.   If it makes someone smile it has a point.

1/7–Meg–snuggle pup

I got a new bed a week or so ago. Its one of those foam beds. Still getting used to it but so far it is awesome. Its also much bigger. Apparently my dog likes it to because getting her out if it is close to impossible. If i kick her out when i go to sleep, i will inevitably wake up with her right next to me and given its a foam bed, she can jump right up without me even stirring.
Anyway, last night the temp dropped a lot here in nola. Like way colder than usual. Our houses are not insulated and not built for cold weather so staying warm is always a challenge.
Unless you have a new bed, a fluffy comforter and a portable furry heater named Babaganoush. Cutest heater ever huh?